She cant remember the sound of her own voice. Self diganosed insane with a touch of hope. But she is a poet so its makes sense and it can be justified without evidence.
---
She was pregnant. Feeling the body of her child move and form is inspiring. Her a single mother. Was she scared? No. Mostly just tired- so very tired. Imgaining it growing inside her, sometimes that specific thought does frighten her, beause it leads to thinking that no one will love her children but her.
Giving birth to poetry every day. They were all bastards in every possible way. Sometimes they came with lupus, deformed and in pain others with perfect health. But she loved each one, even if she has forgotten about them years later.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Mother's baby
I held my stillborn sister in my arms and rocked as she slept on and on...on and on. She had 3 of my names and the same father as brother and I. Same nose and but mothers pretty brown eyes. I wonder if she inherited mama's sickness just like I had.
They say you dont know what you got until what you got is gone. When will you too disappear sweet child? And leave me alone once more? Slowly but surely going completly mad in sorrow and lonieness.
They say you dont know what you got until what you got is gone. When will you too disappear sweet child? And leave me alone once more? Slowly but surely going completly mad in sorrow and lonieness.
Drive
If not now, when? She stared at the passing white lines and was fixated. Deciding to start from the middle instead the end. Because the end was too sad of a place to visit. She was blind and didnt even notice it. What hurts the most is not the break of my heart like the white lines but the beautiful things that will never come to be.
If not us, who? I was offer to go dancing with sweet Lucifer and his lover Brutus. Hearing the words of many but she only listen to a few. Because the fallen Angels words was sweeter honey. If not us then whom indeed? The line was no longer broken but streaming along the pavement, she tries to stare at it forever. Escaping.
But truth always comes and knocks her off her feet. If not together, than how can they both avoid defeat? Whats the point when they have already lost? Stabbed in the back with a knife called lust. Et tu, Bruté? She pondered that as the white lines started to disappear and reappear in front of her eyes again.
If not us, who? I was offer to go dancing with sweet Lucifer and his lover Brutus. Hearing the words of many but she only listen to a few. Because the fallen Angels words was sweeter honey. If not us then whom indeed? The line was no longer broken but streaming along the pavement, she tries to stare at it forever. Escaping.
But truth always comes and knocks her off her feet. If not together, than how can they both avoid defeat? Whats the point when they have already lost? Stabbed in the back with a knife called lust. Et tu, Bruté? She pondered that as the white lines started to disappear and reappear in front of her eyes again.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wet dream
She dreamed last night that it rained today. Down it poured, like her heart down the drain. Her lips she kissed in her fantasy. She miss her sinful voice. Whispers of bitter promises, that she used to want to drown herself in. Dear father, how ironic. But now she is tired. So very tired of dreaming and waking up teary eyed.
3 days of haze
Light fingers weep into her skin as she sleep. The world stopped its revolution and stood at a standstill. She woke and it was 3 days into the future, the unconscience rebel. When did she fall asleep again? Its hard to tell.
No regrets and she feels better for the time being. Smiling no longer takes up too much effort. Enjoying the moments when she is not sleeping. Body so heavy falling in to the mattresses. Secure arms wrapped and graze her back. Soothing and luring her to rest more. But wasnt she just awake?
Hush, just close your eyes.
Did she really want to? Its hard to tell once again. What time was it? The night feels like morning and the afternoons feel like in between. Deny the war, it too shall pass.
3 days of dejvu.
No regrets and she feels better for the time being. Smiling no longer takes up too much effort. Enjoying the moments when she is not sleeping. Body so heavy falling in to the mattresses. Secure arms wrapped and graze her back. Soothing and luring her to rest more. But wasnt she just awake?
Hush, just close your eyes.
Did she really want to? Its hard to tell once again. What time was it? The night feels like morning and the afternoons feel like in between. Deny the war, it too shall pass.
3 days of dejvu.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
A Dandelion for My Mother
How I loved those spiky suns,
rooted stubborn as childhood
in the grass, tough as the farmer’s
big-headed children—the mats
of yellow hair, the bowl-cut fringe.
How sturdy they were and how
slowly they turned themselves
into galaxies, domes of ghost stars
barely visible by day, pale
cerebrums clinging to life
on tough green stems. Like you.
Like you, in the end. If you were here,
I’d pluck this trembling globe to show
how beautiful a thing can be
a breath will tear away.
Jean Nordhaus
rooted stubborn as childhood
in the grass, tough as the farmer’s
big-headed children—the mats
of yellow hair, the bowl-cut fringe.
How sturdy they were and how
slowly they turned themselves
into galaxies, domes of ghost stars
barely visible by day, pale
cerebrums clinging to life
on tough green stems. Like you.
Like you, in the end. If you were here,
I’d pluck this trembling globe to show
how beautiful a thing can be
a breath will tear away.
Jean Nordhaus
Falling up
Pessoa the expressionist.
Past moments.
My younger self in love with life, flash in the back of my lids. We long for things that used to make our lives meaningful.
Is she in a constant state of optimism? No she is a Taurean and a pessimistic by nature.
She lay down holes to let others fall through in
and pray someone gets out alive.
what am i doing here again?
Past moments.
My younger self in love with life, flash in the back of my lids. We long for things that used to make our lives meaningful.
Is she in a constant state of optimism? No she is a Taurean and a pessimistic by nature.
She lay down holes to let others fall through in
and pray someone gets out alive.
what am i doing here again?
Monday, March 8, 2010
by your side
It isnt all about your apitite. Dont speak I cant hear you with my ears still hungry for more silence. I will give you big smiles and always be by your side, while wearing invisible black eyes and bruised housewife thighs.
Cocorosie
Swiming stillborns girls and fem love story blues.
Cocorosie
Swiming stillborns girls and fem love story blues.
10:19 a.m
The fever in her chest peaked to dangerous levels last night. Between the mold of her breast. Pain clenches and release with each breath. She is no long curious because if it. That spark has been promptly put out and the smoke is just drawing lazy circles in her head.
So tired of being the fighter and not the lover she is made to be. Rest. Stop. and Fuck it. Irritated, no cigarettes to calm her down. Every breath that brings the delusion of happiness closer now hangs off her arm. She knows they are just scars but she can still feel them.
Its hard for people to understand her, and its even harder for her to get others to comprehend so she says rest. stop. and fuck it. fuck it. fuck it. fuck it.
So tired of being the fighter and not the lover she is made to be. Rest. Stop. and Fuck it. Irritated, no cigarettes to calm her down. Every breath that brings the delusion of happiness closer now hangs off her arm. She knows they are just scars but she can still feel them.
Its hard for people to understand her, and its even harder for her to get others to comprehend so she says rest. stop. and fuck it. fuck it. fuck it. fuck it.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Hell fire
She is still so angry and wants to light some shit on fire. No words are exchanged, yet she hears her voice everyday. Mocking, taunting, laughing...Holding her power
Today, ripped another page out and got a paper cut from the wire.
FUCK!
It felt like someone was pourin gasoline on her temper to set the world on fire. So raw was the smell deep inside her skin it stunk. Painting a violent picture of change as she tried to kill the need for...
If only she didnt knew how she brought this upon herself, would the burning not hurt as much. Its not the first time she felt the pain and it surely isnt the last it turned her into a flirt.
Today, ripped another page out and got a paper cut from the wire.
FUCK!
It felt like someone was pourin gasoline on her temper to set the world on fire. So raw was the smell deep inside her skin it stunk. Painting a violent picture of change as she tried to kill the need for...
If only she didnt knew how she brought this upon herself, would the burning not hurt as much. Its not the first time she felt the pain and it surely isnt the last it turned her into a flirt.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Unrecognizable
Winter doesn't know me anymore. I think I have been here for far too long and she no longer remembers her face. Flash of warmth calls my name it pricks my frustrations with little poke.
I wanted to taste it all. To feel how something besides restlessness go down her throat for once. Have I already lost my mind in the clouds? Tomorrow will come today and then we will see, if I come back down.
I wanted to taste it all. To feel how something besides restlessness go down her throat for once. Have I already lost my mind in the clouds? Tomorrow will come today and then we will see, if I come back down.
Theory of the Broken
Saving her screams at the bottom of the drawer, And her voice choked. she dont know if...she'll be alright
Dont you turn your eyes from me!
Lies eat the inside of her throat, as she walks out the door. Trying to find a place to rest. Mind so complex with words pounding against her head. Hand cramps and smoke made of wings to carry her away. This is not enough! She needs to get away.
Open you eyes! Can you see me now?
Is it still okay be herself?!! She just cant forget the blood the stitches, the bite marks, the kisses. She just wanted go away Go away GO! away GO! GO AWAY!
Dont you turn your eyes from me!
Lies eat the inside of her throat, as she walks out the door. Trying to find a place to rest. Mind so complex with words pounding against her head. Hand cramps and smoke made of wings to carry her away. This is not enough! She needs to get away.
Open you eyes! Can you see me now?
Is it still okay be herself?!! She just cant forget the blood the stitches, the bite marks, the kisses. She just wanted go away Go away GO! away GO! GO AWAY!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Amaze Frail and Sacred
The stairwell to the stars was missing steps and frail cracks of twilight luminated the darkening night. But I still tried to find a way through the darkness. With eyes wide in frightening amaze I watched as my star shattered into a million pieces. Ive cried long and hard crystal dusts in my halted sacred plight.
Dancing lies
The fragile cup was ready to break in her hands. But she couldnt stop drinking, too far gone to taste the alcohol anymore, so she didnt notice her hands were bleeding still. This was not part of the plans...far from it.
Couldnt deny the tempting lure of a chille night though. With no regrets and night sweats if only a while. Trying so hard to forget.
Feeling fine. She grabs the bottle and likes the way it feels on her lips. So fine. She knows. As the sway of hips against hips, she convinces herself not to acknowledge the lies.
Today was not a good day.
Couldnt deny the tempting lure of a chille night though. With no regrets and night sweats if only a while. Trying so hard to forget.
Feeling fine. She grabs the bottle and likes the way it feels on her lips. So fine. She knows. As the sway of hips against hips, she convinces herself not to acknowledge the lies.
Today was not a good day.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
The bull and the sand crawler
Today she ran into an old lust. Smiling when she came and lightly touched her sides and stood beside her as she waited in line. Her skin didnt become warm nor was she at a lost of words looking in her eyes.
Oh but She did smile at the moments they had together and she did quiver when a flash of their adventures under the sheet passed over her eyes. A short teenage affair. Very sexual. She was a Scorpio, just like mother.
Always been attracted to good sex. But watching her walk away without saying goodbye she knew without a doubt that Scorpio would never be able to stand next to this Taurus, without getting crushed and this Taurus standing next to that Scorpio without getting stung.
Oh but She did smile at the moments they had together and she did quiver when a flash of their adventures under the sheet passed over her eyes. A short teenage affair. Very sexual. She was a Scorpio, just like mother.
Always been attracted to good sex. But watching her walk away without saying goodbye she knew without a doubt that Scorpio would never be able to stand next to this Taurus, without getting crushed and this Taurus standing next to that Scorpio without getting stung.
March 2nd
The snow is melting and there is not a cloud to be seen in the sky. At this moment, she is in the mist of another change. People go through a period of change every 7 years, and she is at the peak of her transformation.
Everything is slowing down. Adventures that once defined her life no longer seemed appealing. No longer is she in a hurry. She is looking forward to the outcome. What skin will she be wearing, what color eyes will she be looking out of, and what would her voice sound like?
Today is a good day. She hopes it last for a while.
Everything is slowing down. Adventures that once defined her life no longer seemed appealing. No longer is she in a hurry. She is looking forward to the outcome. What skin will she be wearing, what color eyes will she be looking out of, and what would her voice sound like?
Today is a good day. She hopes it last for a while.
Monday, March 1, 2010
The Pied Piper
The rodents running around, nipping at their feet were getting quite annoying. Beady flashing red eyes. A glint of sickening mockery saying 'Hey Im just a rat, whats your excuse?'
If only she had a metal bat.
If only she had a metal bat.