-unknown

If I could be any part of you, I'd be your tears. To be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.

fucking INFJ

-- You see what others could become, and how to help them

-- You seem outgoing, but you listen more and say less than people realise

-- You’ve learned that people often don’t want your insights, so you keep most of them to yourself

-- Everything you think about is connected to something else

-- Your imagination is seemingly endless

-- You are dependable, reliable and trustworthy but easily overlooked

-- You want people to understand you, and alternate between being secretive and revealing

weather

You are bright enough for me to endure
miss and adore

As you keep ornamenting my thoughts with vibrant smiles.
Your voice is imprinted on my brain.
I want to be bright also, for you.

To be able to lean towards the sun
instead of resting all day on dull rain clouds

Draw the curtains on the Peace Lilies that smell of death.

i have flowers drawn on the space where my wrist meets my hand. trying to give some beauty that is not...

lost my phone last sunday. finally found the song Ive been searching for, but what is the point? my orchids are slowly dying. mayday is six months away in the distant but still not within sight. these are the words my life speaks, as I live it. and they are self melancholic, bitter, and uncaring.

the thought is. i wont be here one day to explain the meaning beyond each constructed word, moment, line, period, phrase, pause and faze therefore i am compelled to record every bit it. being a writer. if only to give myself a richer presence when gone. everyone wants to be remembered, right?

even though the writers intent dont mean shit right now, only after she is dead will truth be constructed. dont really fucking matter when worms are gnawing on her innards what her intentions were when she wrote what she wrote. the thought will be we have this text and must dissect it for our own truths. and truth being really fluid and multiple in this context. the occupational hazard of every artist is, dont expect much understanding when alive.

but i can only make things I understand, I shall only make things I know how to construct however imperfect. writing has so much function in this world and is a form of communication second only to speaking. however somehow somewhere lines blurred, or was forgotten, or disregarded to the point where writers stopped being artists and started becoming communicators. it frustrates me for i am not a communicator

i see myself as an artist. so if you are reading this than, thank you. but since i write just for the sake of writing. i dont really care if you comprehend my words or not. so dont expect anything deeper from the words you are reading, that is not my objective but if you do happen to discover something meaningful, good for you. intertextuality and assumptions has sunken its teeth into the side of your neck and has ripped out your throat. congratulations.

vellicate draft

vellicate \VEL-i-keyt\, verb:

1. To touch (a body part) lightly so as to excite the surface nerves and cause uneasiness, laughter, or spasmodic movements

My touch caused you all three. But its the uneasiness that worried me the most. The reason for this I guesstimate, is because of the being or presence growing inside you, simmering just under the skin, stretching out its yet not formed shape, and lounging its body as it tries to fill your every space. It's just me.

Its not you in particular that causes this me inside to come alive. Really its our closeness...and when I use 'you' in this insistence I really mean 'me'. I feel myself inside of you. Obviously, this is pure narcissistic on my part, this projecting, but it better than talking to the mirror.

I use the excuse of being instantly distraction by your voice to explain my actions, such as suddenly kissing you. Im becoming more responsive to the sounds around me. More so then I have ever been before. Especially when you whisper.

Kissing.

Is the easiest sound to understand. I kiss you because I want taste your sound and feel our music being created. Its uncontrollable infatuation...And so I do it without a second thought. I lied, I dont really understand it...at all. Why does this thought make me feel so small? Oh well it gives me to room to expand, I guess. But I can definitely go without the contradictions of the human condition.

Potential growth. Us expanding, she and I. I'm smiling as I write this. Brief memories we have already made. Together. When you are near me. Strange but not unusual, new and frightening things happen. I am given cool rain instead of firey passions. The grass. Tears of glorious frustration. Bridges on horses and music in the benches. My chest already ache, just a tiny bit because she is already missed.

While...

Between A and Z words are at war with each other. Thrown around black cannons, and little figures waiting for their turn to give speeches are picked off one by one. Blood splatters the ground poets march their rhythms on. And English linguistic and grammatical terms containing explanations for useless art comes up missing in all the organized chaos.

But after the plans for victory are accomplished I should take you by the hand. Vellicating your palm with my fingers, while waving to the crowd as they chant our names. The masses are dead, as heavy be the heads that wears the crowns.

May 17,

What should I read next?? The street by Ann Petry

What it is to be a
Fuck up?

Cunning and emotionally destructive with lies thick like honey. Too sweet to resist. We cant even restrain ourselves. But it is especially alluring to the newly made butterflies, who unlike us is not used to the flith. Whom are the easiest to corrupt.

We fuck up are addictives, the glorfied heroine and drunken escapes of the gutter world.

Archetypes

http://www.infj.com/BeebeOnINFJs.htm

Archetypes are thus the powerful symbolic images that inform our view of heroes, wise men, mothers, and villains, among others. We encounter them in many aspects of our daily lives -- in art, religion, movies, and even cartoons! The bad guy invariably dresses in black; the good guy in white (and he is always strong and kind).

Mothers are nurturing, gentle, and protective. The wise man is often portrayed as a white-haired old man with a frail body and peaceful demeanor. These images are recognizable by most of us, and there are strong similarities in these symbols even from one culture to the next.

They are so pervasive that archetypes are anchored in our brain structure and occupy the "middle ground" between mind and matter. Archetypes are what provide the deep structure for human motivation and meaning.

Whenever archetypes are encountered in art, literature, sacred texts, and advertising—or in individuals or groups—they evoke emotional resonance and become the unconscious frameworks that determine how and why people think and react. Pretty powerful stuff, huh?

but I like Anne Singer Harris flow and music to archetypes more.

Archetypes tend to shift shape and flow into each other... This is because archetypes are content-free, patterned tendencies of thought; their qualities overlap, they are not hierarchical, and their symbolic expression is complexly layered.

This is a messy and unpredictable realm in which to wander, and its shiftiness annoys people who like to call a spade a spade and never a shovel. ...To tolerate these conditions, a person must tolerate ambiguity.

Jungian archetypes

For a more analytical psychology approach to archetypes I think the founder of it comes from Carl Jung. Which explains archetypes as

The archetypes form a dynamic substratum common to all humanity, upon the foundation of which each individual builds his own experience of life, developing a unique array of psychological characteristics. Thus, while archetypes themselves may be conceived as a relative few innate nebulous forms, from these may arise innumerable images, symbols and patterns of behavior.


While the emerging images and forms are apprehended consciously, the archetypes which inform them are elementary structures which are unconscious and impossible to apprehend. Being unconscious, the existence of archetypes can only be deduced indirectly by examining behavior, images, art, myths, etc.

They are inherited potentials which are actualized when they enter consciousness as images or manifest in behavior on interaction with the outside world.

More and more typing

INFJ - Pattern of Processes Ni, Fe, Ti, Se, Ne, Fi, Te, Si.

dominant—Fe

The process of extraverted Feeling often involves a desire to connect with (or disconnect from) others and is often evidenced by expressions of warmth (or displeasure) and self-disclosure. The “social graces,” such as being polite, being nice, being friendly, being considerate, and being appropriate, often revolve around the process of extraverted Feeling. Keeping in touch, laughing at jokes when others laugh, and trying to get people to act kindly to each other also involve extraverted Feeling. Using this process, we respond according to expressed or even unexpressed wants and needs of others. We may ask people what they want or need or self-disclose to prompt them to talk more about themselves. This often sparks conversation and lets us know more about them so we can better adjust our behavior to them. Often with this process, we feel pulled to be responsible and take care of others’ feelings, sometimes to the point of not separating our feelings from theirs. We may recognize and adhere to shared values, feelings, and social norms to get along.

auxiliary—Si

Introverted Sensing often involves storing data and information, then comparing and contrasting the current situation with similar ones. The immediate experience or words are instantly linked with the prior experiences, and we register a similarity or a difference—for example, noticing that some food doesn’t taste the same or is saltier than it usually is. Introverted Sensing is also operating when we see someone who reminds us of someone else. Sometimes a feeling associated with the recalled image comes into our awareness along with the information itself. Then the image can be so strong, our body responds as if reliving the experience. The process also involves reviewing the past to draw on the lessons of history, hindsight, and experience. With introverted Sensing, there is often great attention to detail and getting a clear picture of goals and objectives and what is to happen. There can be a oneness with ageless customs that help sustain civilization and culture and protect what is known and long-lasting, even while what is reliable changes.

tertiary—Ne

Extraverted iNtuiting involves noticing hidden meanings and interpreting them, often entertaining a wealth of possible interpretations from just one idea or interpreting what someone’s behavior really means. It also involves seeing things “as if,” with various possible representations of reality. Using this process, we can juggle many different ideas, thoughts, beliefs, and meanings in our mind at once with the possibility that they are all true. This is like weaving themes and threads together. We don’t know the weave until a thought thread appears or is drawn out in the interaction of thoughts, often brought in from other contexts. Thus a strategy or concept often emerges from the here-and-now interactions, not appearing as a whole beforehand. Using this process we can really appreciate brainstorming and trust what emerges, enjoying imaginative play with scenarios and combining possibilities, using a kind of cross-contextual thinking. Extraverted iNtuiting also can involve catalyzing people and extemporaneously shaping situations, spreading an atmosphere of change through emergent leadership.

inferior—Ti

Introverted Thinking often involves finding just the right word to clearly express an idea concisely, crisply, and to the point. Using introverted Thinking is like having an internal sense of the essential qualities of something, noticing the fine distinctions that make it what it is and then naming it. It also involves an internal reasoning process of deriving subcategories of classes and sub-principles of general principles. These can then be used in problem solving, analysis, and refining of a product or an idea. This process is evidenced in behaviors like taking things or ideas apart to figure out how they work. The analysis involves looking at different sides of an issue and seeing where there is inconsistency. In so doing, we search for a “leverage point” that will fix problems with the least amount of effort or damage to the system. We engage in this process when we notice logical inconsistencies between statements and frameworks, using a model to evaluate the likely accuracy of what’s observed.

fifth—Fi

It is often hard to assign words to the values used to make introverted Feeling judgments since they are often associated with images, feeling tones, and gut reactions more than words. As a cognitive process, it often serves as a filter for information that matches what is valued, wanted, or worth believing in. There can be a continual weighing of the situational worth or importance of everything and a patient balancing of the core issues of peace and conflict in life’s situations. We engage in the process of introverted Feeling when a value is compromised and we think, “Sometimes, some things just have to be said.” On the other hand, most of the time this process works “in private” and is expressed through actions. It helps us know when people are being fake or insincere or if they are basically good. It is like having an internal sense of the “essence” of a person or a project and reading fine distinctions among feeling tones.

sixth—Se

Extraverted Sensing occurs when we become aware of what is in the physical world in rich detail. We may be drawn to act on what we experience to get an immediate result. We notice relevant facts and occurrences in a sea of data and experiences, learning all the facts we can about the immediate context or area of focus and what goes on in that context. An active seeking of more and more input to get the whole picture may occur until all sources of input have been exhausted or something else captures our attention. Extraverted Sensing is operating when we freely follow exciting physical impulses or instincts as they come up and enjoy the thrill of action in the present moment. A oneness with the physical world and a total absorption may exist as we move, touch, and sense what is around us. The process involves instantly reading cues to see how far we can go in a situation and still get the impact we want or respond to the situation with presence.

seventh—Ni

Introverted iNtuiting involves synthesizing the seemingly paradoxical or contradictory, which takes understanding to a new level. Using this process, we can have moments when completely new, unimagined realizations come to us. A disengagement from interactions in the room occurs, followed by a sudden “Aha!” or “That’s it!” The sense of the future and the realizations that come from introverted iNtuiting have a sureness and an imperative quality that seem to demand action and help us stay focused on fulfilling our vision or dream of how things will be in the future. Using this process, we might rely on a focal device or symbolic action to predict, enlighten, or transform. We could find ourselves laying out how the future will unfold based on unseen trends and telling signs. This process can involve working out complex concepts or systems of thinking or conceiving of symbolic or novel ways to understand things that are universal. It can lead to creating transcendent experiences or solutions.

eighth—Te

Contingency planning, scheduling, and quantifying utilize the process of extraverted Thinking. Extraverted Thinking helps us organize our environment and ideas through charts, tables, graphs, flow charts, outlines, and so on. At its most sophisticated, this process is about organizing and monitoring people and things to work efficiently and productively. Empirical thinking is at the core of extraverted Thinking when we challenge someone’s ideas based on the logic of the facts in front of us or lay out reasonable explanations for decisions or conclusions made, often trying to establish order in someone else’s thought process. In written or verbal communication, extraverted Thinking helps us easily follow someone else’s logic, sequence, or organization. It also helps us notice when something is missing, like when someone says he or she is going to talk about four topics and talks about only three. In general, it allows us to compartmentalize many aspects of our lives so we can do what is necessary to accomplish our objectives.

THE PRIMARY PROCESSES
Introverted iNtuiting: Foreseeing implications, transformations, and likely effects
Extraverted Feeling: Connecting and considering others and the group
Introverted Thinking: Analyzing, categorizing, and evaluating according to principles
Extraverted Sensing: Experiencing and acting in the immediate context.


THE SHADOW PROCESSES
Opposing

Extraverted iNtuiting: Interpreting situations and relationships and pickup meanings and interconnections to other contexts
Introverted Feeling: Valuing and considering importance, beliefs, and worth
Extraverted Thinking: Segmenting, organizing for efficiency, and systematizing
Introverted Sensing: Reviewing and recalling past experiences and seeking detailed data

There is an inner drive to grow, to become more aware.
Not only did Jung observe the eight functions, he also noticed and described the inner drive to grow and become more conscious. This drive often gets blocked by the stresses of life and sometimes by the expectations of other people. However, it continues to press us forward toward our dreams.

It is moments like these make makes me feel like such a coward. But knowing you are one too makes me feel a lot better.

Personality who?

Okay not a big introvert 44% isnt all that bad. I just thought I was neurotic Damn you personality test! Its a good way to take a look at myself. Too bad I already accepted that I am ever changing then I guess this would really impact me more than just a passing thought.

INFJ

You are:
moderately expressed introvert
moderately expressed intuitive personality
slightly expressed feeling personality
distinctively expressed judging personality
INFJs are conscientious and value-driven. They seek meaning in relationships, ideas, and events, with an eye toward better understanding themselves and others. Using their intuitive skills, they develop a clear vision, which they then execute decisively to better the lives of others. Like their INTJ counterparts, INFJs regard problems as opportunities to design and implement creative solutions.[14]
INFJs are quiet, private individuals who prefer to exercise their influence behind the scenes. Although very independent, INFJs are intensely interested in the well-being of others. INFJs prefer one-on-one relationships to large groups. Sensitive and complex, they are adept at understanding complicated issues and driven to resolve differences in a cooperative and creative manner. [3]
INFJs have a rich, vivid inner life, which they may be reluctant to share with those around them. Nevertheless, they are congenial in their interactions, and perceptive of the emotions of others. Generally well-liked by their peers, they may often be considered close friends and confidants by most other types. However, they are guarded in expressing their own feelings, especially to new people, and so tend to establish close relationships slowly. INFJs tend to be easily hurt, though they may not reveal this except to their closest companions. INFJs may "silently withdraw as a way of setting limits," rather than expressing their wounded feelings—a behavior that may leave others confused and upset.[15]
INFJs tend to be sensitive, quiet leaders with a great depth of personality. They are intricately and deeply woven, mysterious, and highly complex, sometimes puzzling even to themselves. They have an orderly view toward the world, but are internally arranged in a complex way that only they can understand. Abstract in communicating, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. With a natural affinity for art, INFJs tend to be creative and easily inspired.[16] Yet they may also do well in the sciences, aided by their intuition.[17]

It still blows my mind that there are people out there that study this type of psychology.

Relapse

Relapsing yet again
Injecting more ink from her heart and out
of her hand.

So much writing that her fingers becomes swollen.
Water burns and bandages itch.
It bleeds out pain and bliss unlike no one could ever
hope to understand.

From the start to finish it overwhelms her,
surfing the skin and bringing forth chill bumps to the flesh
with pleasure outlining each hair

But afterwards its always a fight to stay away
She wonders how could it feel this wrong,
It hurts to breath, churns her stomach sick
She always feels so defeated that it disgusting to see

The hold it has on her.

Because the only cure she has for the stinging,
the only ointment available,
to heal the wounds caused by her obsession

is more writing.