Ode to the daydream

And so the adaptation begins,
The shift in status where ever it may stems from
starts to take place. This times my hearts been broken

And so right now the fucking blaring
brightness outside my window, is giving
pains to my eyes. This time my body doesnt have the energy
to move from these four walls.

And so the adaptation begins,
The shift in status where ever it may stems from
starts to take place. Open my eyes, But all I see
is systematic routine, assimilation and lifelessness

And so right now, meaning weeks I am haunted
by the memory of us, so smooth and
translucent. And This time it brush against the inside of my
lids gifting me a nocturnal vision of us with our

Closed eye, Lips Ice Time Open Rain Instinctual Sensuality

But now all I see is brightness outside my widow
that burns my eyes.

Love poem (Three word Wednesday)

Dear Sky,

Your suppleness clouds my novice thoughts

so much I become light in my own body

A heavy tar escapes from my grounded flesh.

As a way to give you a kiss of gratitude I must ignite, into ash 

billowing smoke signals. And when my gesture of affection 

rises softly and gently. I sear into my chest the words 

'With this distant eternal melancholic hearts 

I'll long for you.' Just as I kiss you on the cheek

Love,

Earth.

Loneliness draft

Loneliness is like a prison. You feel captured and you want nothing but to runaway from it. Darkness consumes you and thoughts of death becomes comforting in the most relieving way. Even if you are too feeble to actually do away with yourself, one can still dream cant they?

The freedom of happiness looks like a hopeless wish. Its like looking in through a glass shield, you on one side and everyone else on the other. Every person around you seem to have joy eating them from the fucking inside out…looks painful. But no matter how painful it appears to be its nothing compared to the pain of being lonely. Who wants to be happy anyways? Its overrated and now a days its artificial anyways. But who am I fooling, I want to be happy, even if it is fake.

However, if you do ever find escape from your prison the feeling is mind boggling. Its like you’ve been born again and you have a fresh start. You have found someone or something that brings a reason for you to live again. They brought you the key of love and it is now beating through your body, but this is also something new there in place of that loneliness. Its a sensation that follows and have a tight hold on you. Its terror.

Fear that one day loneliness would come and find you again putting you back in to that dark, isolated prison. That is worst than simple loneliness itself. To have found and tasted freedom then to have it snatched away from you. It hurts like a bitch. So now not only are you back in that fucking prison there are chains holding you down to the floor.

Its subtle but when your first thrown back in to solitude you don’t realize it at first. However, slowly but surely you start falling into the alienated pattern of life you once was so accustom to. It happens and one day you find that you are now stuck in a drift of seclusion.

Once again your empty, lonely, and lost you want to die but the past wont let you. So now your back at the beginning but now the feeling is worst. For now you have the bitter sweetness of having haunting memories to keep you company, but now you have haunting memories to keep you company.

“We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.”

Orson Welles

A dark exchange.

Sunlight over me no matter what I do. My heart is being burned from Within my chest. No longer protected, no longer being held warmly in your palms and kissed softly with your poetry. Everyone holds flashlights that reveals my burnt spots. I try to block. Sunlight finds me no matter where I go.

Where ever you are, do you think of me? As I think of you. Are your hands cold and dark from where my heart once were? shadows that used to hide us from the world, are my shadows I can't seem to find. I want them back, damnit please. The sunlight hurts my eyes and burns my heart and leaves dry spots on my skin.. Give me back, give me back, give me back...my darkness.

Small acts of Pain

Im not alone and I am loved.
Im really fortunate

But

Sometimes I feel really lonely
and when I feel that way

Even the smallest act of kindness
can make me cry

Even people at conveyance stores saying
'Have a nice day'

when they're accidently
looking me in the eye.

Wandering Star

Please could you stay awhile to share my grief
For its such a lovely day
To have to always feel this way
And the time that I will suffer less
Is when I never have to wake

Wandering stars, for whom it is reserved
The blackness of darkness forever

Portishead

If you dont use it...

My heart is starving. With nothing but loneliness to chase away my appetite, I watch as the once thriving flesh that was my love wither away.

As I watch my heart become weak and fragile. I am reminded of how it got that way. How silence wrapped its cold hands around my insecurity and instantly cut off all flow.

Leaving behind anger.

2:54 am

Its comforting
to look up into
the face of the
night sky.

Peering with
nocturnal eyes
at and with

each untouchable star
I open myself little more
And pray
during each sight

to see the dippers
elegant tilt.
Anticipating the pour,
steadly poised

to wash away
the lingering mud
of troubled days
and lonely nights

Mother's baby

I held my stillborn sister in my arms and rocked as she slept on and on...on and on. She had 3 of my names and the same father as brother and I. Same nose and but mothers pretty brown eyes. I wonder if she inherited mama's sickness just like I had.

They say you dont know what you got until what you got is gone. When will you too disappear sweet child? And leave me alone once more? Slowly but surely going completly mad in sorrow and lonieness.

The door knob broke.

Cracked skeletons broke out of the closet. She just gaze impassively at each lovely bone as they wiped her tear. The memories were vivid in the lines. Impossible for her to feel the nostalgia that requires more than a few moments of happiness. Unless she is dreaming again.

There is a definition of a word opposite of nostalgic that defines her life.

She wonders about the face she saw in her dreams. She misses that person, like a mistresses missing her wife. Tried to be subtle but the interpret push and cold shoulder was too obvious. Change has always been her best friend, what makes this visit so special. It's not.

Lying on the bed looking at the broken hinges of the closet door she smiles. Some bones were definitely more lovelier than others. But they will always be connected to the same old broken skeletons in the end.

Loveless, eternal

With blackened wings, you soar into my bein. Piercing my very soul, Left empty and bleeding. What is this haunting you bring upon me? Swift and sure as darkness wreaks.

Becoming hollow and devoid. Thrust evil upon me no more, Sweet and foul daemon, Leave of what remains of me.

Silence is not becoming. Though absent you have become in presence, forever tainted I will be. Impossible is victory for what will can defeat this...

Loveless, eternal.



Maurice Cross

Stuck on the stairs to Heaven

Standing on the stairwell she realized that she’s lost again. Blank gazes from heaven freezes her to hell. Drilling eyes of disappointment screws deeper into her soles. Preventing her from moving forward and forces her to watch as everyone continues to climb.

If she stood here long enough will her hair become rotten, her skin turn to soft lovely moss as she becomes another past without a future? Another tear fallen with the rain, will she be forgotten?

She is unsure.
So she sits and waits.

Tape

Broken, was her name. Solitary blocked her ears from comfort. Memories sealed tight to prevent spills, but could not stop the shattered tears. Grief flowing so free, far from being contained.

Breathing in whiskey sorrow. Diving underneath the influence with grace so slick and smooth. Heart ache too painful for other healings. Giving nothing to look forward into the gray 'marrows.

Loneliness was the tape that had a bitter charm and the power to soothed. As it held her together deep in their arms.

If she knows

Her memory rips me apart
One strand one day one hour at a time
Fading skipping stones of loves art
Vanishing in the sea of the mind

Wonders if she knows
On isolated nights
The distance only grows
Heartaches sharpens the pointed illusional sight
At witching hour, shadows of her face is all that shows

Once upon a time
Love carried and taught she and I
How to embrace the spacious sky
Gone clear memories
Enter cloudy goodbyes
Now the heaven cries angel tears
For the broken heart that can no longer fly

Rays of nothingness

Sunshine
Never comes to find me
Reaching up fingers slipping through
As gravity pulls me down below the sea
Golden star my heart beats without sound
But only for you
As I sink further down
Yes, definitely only for you

Cigs

Deep breaths and let cancer lay leisurely in
Poison takes her through eternity
Blazing red light dances on the tip of paper skin
Aching chest helps the broken non responsive body
Throbbing head of skepticism makes the ceiling spin
Fighting the teary ashes that only a few has owned
Exhaling the smoke from within
As she burn away slowly and sleeps another night alone