lunar cords

I feel so small, especially
when the Moon shines down
too many lines
too many sharps and flats
on my night
The problem with trying to
tie a string to someone is
when they leave you,
there is always either too much cords
or not enough, and
the emptiness is not puddles
but oceanic and
unrelenting.
The strands are thin tonight.
rejection
stings like the shallow cuts
in the strands that connects back to
my heart.
I keep giving pieces of myself
away and foolishly still
think I can stay whole.

Today. Was not a good day.

I am heavy.
weighed down by my decision.
My head feels like lead

My heart bruised.
Violet and blue

Our words are light
as like falling tears;
true and dark as cynical humor.

I am going to fill my
body up with as much cheap
wine as I can. Tonight
And dearly wish
for someone who could stop me.

tristful (meaning sorrowful or gloomy)

I only wanted to pull your halo down
not watch it slip around your neck.
You burned not just you but us
and your smoke rose to make a cloudy grave
in our heaven.

Even as I choked on your embers,
I still wanted to bring you back to me.
Except you hovered too high
above the ground instead.
Just out of my reach.

Your mouth tasted too hollow to speak
Anything besides half-truths and empty lies.
So I turned my face into your palms to kiss
your cold wrists and cry
under your dangling dirty feet.

Phone calls,

You abandoned me in my own world. Left me to be my own guide and yet have to nerve to call me your shining star. Your goddamn hero. I think not. You say I have to hold your hand to keep you from going under, the very hands that let me go under.

I hate looking at you and seeing the absolute adoration on your face. You love me so much dont you? Are you happy that in me, you see the only good you have ever had in your shit life?

Its true, that everything you touch is ruined instantly. Leaving in your wake a trailing sea of infantile tears, no matter where you wander. Is that why you stayed away after I drowned in my own sea?

Just because I was pulled up just in time dont mean you didnt ruin me. I'm just dissolving at the bottom.

Winter asylums

Crazy People Poetry

Winter passed his trials on to her and listened as the sorrows of such a gift echoed off her mental walls. She hid in padded rooms and was warmed by a cozy straight jacket.

Spring was the fence that needed to be jumped in order to escape to freedom. Clusters of busy days narrowed in fast, taking her hostage but she wouldnt give in to cold demands. For she planned, when mayday come to run.

But she ran, that night instead.

Ripped skin hung off barbed wires and blood trailed down criss-cross metal. She ignored the red on her hands and blistered on her feet. She ran and ran and kept on running. Till she died of hypothermia.

Grey Skin

She was a statue carved in marble. A smooth mockery of perfection as her stone hand pressed and caressed the warm skin of yet another secret lover.

I am freezing. Or maybe it was my cracked heart.

Did the chill bother them? Would they leave like the rest? Be someone who couldn’t stand the cold? Her world was cracking and falling apart.

Sigh, Again.

And she fucking hated knowing it was always her fault.

The apple dont fall to far from the family tree

Pressure just under her eyes. She will not cry has become her new motto, as of tomorrow. But it hurts so much mother.

I know baby just accept the pain with a kind heart, open smiles, and a half empty bottle of wine.

Oh mother if you had to choose over, she hope you would choose the other.

But being her mothers daughter causes the pressure of depression and emotional repression to take toll. And dear sweet father, so confused about the world with an already to heavy to carry soul.

Drunken days makes the night more bearable when you are passed out. Cant be awake to open the door of mistakes. Trying to live without facing failures of life. But the numbers seem to increased tenfold everyday.

Sighing is becoming another habit. Thank you mother. Thank you father. She is the pride and joy of a used to be happy daughter.

Constant buzzing, right behind the left eye. She was melting into the sheets as the night progressed. It would be nice to sleep but this headache does not cease. Sighing as its been 4 days. A sign maybe?

She didnt want to talk anymore. Barely able to hold a smile. After a while the ability to redirect conversations away from her becomes painfully too easy. Trying to ignore that there is something deeply wrong with her.

She knows this. But maybe if repeating 'Im fine' enough times she could fool herself into believing, like she does with everyone else.

Tape

Broken, was her name. Solitary blocked her ears from comfort. Memories sealed tight to prevent spills, but could not stop the shattered tears. Grief flowing so free, far from being contained.

Breathing in whiskey sorrow. Diving underneath the influence with grace so slick and smooth. Heart ache too painful for other healings. Giving nothing to look forward into the gray 'marrows.

Loneliness was the tape that had a bitter charm and the power to soothed. As it held her together deep in their arms.

Happy Birthday

Love was not coming and no one is smiling any more
Her mind was fighting with the heart
The answering machine was stuck on repeat
I'm sorry
The final words whispers through the room cutting deep
Her lovers voice will forever be lovely and sultry
She couldn't help the slow spread of desire but anger was thicker

And by the 13th apology, the voice met the sharp side of the Hammer.
Words scattered blending into the air, ripping the silence apart
It matched a broken heart for her mind had won and danced in victorious sorrow

Happy Birthday to me
She sing, the sad song low and deep
Happy Birthday to me
She sing the aches from beyond the soul
What a wonderful day to celebrate
She cry, long and hard
Turning a whole 19.

Black Tainted Prayer

He said please
Cracked voice whispered needs
Heart sobbing on begging knees
Soiling the prayer position with his selfish pleas

He cried love me please
Drowning himself in a broken lovers pain
Don't look away from the love only your eyes can see
As he dirtied the prayer position
With his selfish plea

He cried please love me forever
Cradles cypress mourning flowers
When the door closes tears starts to pour
Minutes to seconds, years and hours
All smiles for kin but it be all an act
He cried in the prayer position
To bring forgotten love back

Rabbit in the clock

Look between lines of depression and alcohol knit together tight
Take me home tonight she said to the black rabbit
Water in her eyes, off the lids a downwards flight
Don't think of yesterday, the rabbit white response
Fighting off the man dressed in sand with all her might
Disappointments seeps into her brown skin
Plants the seeds of sorrow as the clocks tick-tock-tick
The pain is not a hundred but only one lonely pin
Spinning goes the ceiling, dark liquor making her sick
Day is always better than night the gray rabbit says
Heaviness in her heart, she closes brown eyes and wait for a new day