damn it

Click, flash, and snap...

Dont you just love taking pictures? Something about capturing the moment that you will never get back. But its fun right? To keep that memory alive...so much fun. I have taken so many picture in the last couple days, I feel caught in between the flashes.

Im still sick...but better, I guess.

Fuck, damn damn damn fuckity shit.
*sniff*
I gotta cold.

God Is An Astonaut - Echoes

I'm not that happy. There are moments but those are never permanent. The bird behind my ear likes to travel. Her wings tickles my skin with each flap and flutter. It mimics my heart beat with her every smile.

The warm weather didn't last. Good, I don't like the warmth and pleasantness of a sunny day in the middle of Autumn. It throws me off balance and makes my world tilt.

One of the few things I like about living here, in hoodyland is that I get the joy of experiencing all 4 seasons to the fullest. Seasonal affective disorder becomes my best fucking friend.

I am slowly, writing again.

Its cynical and self-adsorbed. Nostalgic by nature, often too focused on past experiences. But that is nothing new.

This type of writing can lead me to deeper insights or to downward spirals of melancholy and/or painful unresolved feelings. Now dont that sound just fucking great? But solution number one: Dont think about it. Suppression is not the cure but the wound, being covered with a sticky band aide.

Its only brief relief, but that moment is all one needs to become distracted. With kisses and presence. Yay, physical distractions.

Searching for meaning,
noticing what is missing, and what is there. Feelings of melancholy and nostalgia,
and longing for the unavailable.

I got so high the other day I forgot, who is me? what I think I am. and where I thought was. Laid strung out on the grass for everyone to see this different world.

I gave the children a brief look into reality. We are not all fucking perfect, I know this to be absolute truth and I basked in it. But everyone is so damn dull in this place. 2D, in what it is to feel. I feel it was my purpose to remind them that they were sheep.

You appreciate the special, the humane and the beautiful. beautiful. beautiful.
You like to put your personal signature on everything you touch. Its the nature of a creator. Change, change, change will capture us all.

This is a good morning.

D E A R
(common)
m u s i c .

S y my girlfriend cant stand it when I get inspired.
How Vast and Efflorescence meaning flowering blooming, have me in a kiss? And You Have Made Me anti-socially, Deaf.

Great!

Dante' Hot ass Oven

Accidents, alcohol, and suicide
The glass was broken in my hands

But I couldn’t stop drinking. Too far gone. Can’t taste the alcohol anymore. So I didn’t notice that my wrists are bleeding.

Dying was not part of the plan

But life is change, quietly. I will go out fucking screaming. 2nd floor, second bedroom. With regrets and only night sweats keeping me company in between the sheets.

As I march my way to dante land

I grab the bottle and like the way it feels on my lips. Reminds me of a loud tragedy. This bane ending. This fading heart beat. This slow blood drip on hardwood floors.

And over the sound I can hear the angels’ scream

My name

Out and down
between and betwixt.

A sort of weariness that
just an inch off the surface of my skin.

I am alive.

Fairy Tales

Capturing the moment is impossible,
so she saviors it as much as she can.
It tastes tarty, and whimsical.
Like a walking daydream.

Aspirations arent sleeping,
but instead on a quest. Just like the
juices sliding down her chin,
dripping in between her breast.

Trying to run away from the
swollen eye. With only one second guess
at which bread crumbs to follow.
She goes toward the path with the most to offer.

Having a full stomach is always better
than starving

Time.Swallows.Us.All.

Birds

The canary, stretched yellow wings invisible over
their eyes. And danced, hidden in the
shadow of the trees. Always bright but never seen. Always
bright but never seen. Always bright but never seen.

Arrows

She had hope that was filled with worry. If tipped over confusion will pour out. Her longing was so bad it hurt.

But the pain was not as intense at the holes in her heart. Made by tiny arrows of the cruels intent, the holes will never close. But never will she let that stand in her way no matter how bitter she became.

And seeing how easy it was to just allow the strings to be pulled instead of dodging, she allowed the archer to shoot. Whats one more beautiful hole.

Fake wings

Shine, bright morning light now in the air the spring is coming
sweet blowing wind, singing down the hills and valleys
Keep your eyes on me,
now we are on the edge of hell,
Dear my love, sweet morning light,
wait for me we have gone much further, too far.

-See Saw

With in

I feel the need to start again on the long journey of healing and reconnecting with the person I know still lives within me. I stopped for a while and now that I am done wallowing in the misery I can walk again.

I hope to find peace and enlightenment inside myself so that I might be strong enough to give and bask in the unconditional love of her presence. I can only pray I will never feel crippled again.

Canvas and lies

The red paint splashed on her, trying to dry, its way permanent to the skin. Dripping from red hair on to my cheeks seeping into the between and betwixt
In each crease did I feel it tickle down.

Today was red. The drugs unfortunately enhanced the hues. And afterwards I was still sicken with red. Ugly staining red. It smelled of death and decay. Putrid with its presence on my flesh.

Bright fucking red. Powerful and obtrusive. It was until I was given green, and blue and orange. Purples, and yellow, yes sweet sickening yellow I miss you also. More than lavender, and black, silver, white and amber.

Pink, indigo, Oh god, magenta and lilac.

Finally! I took a shower and watched it wash down the drain. No more red. Red. Red. Red Trying to dry, dry, dry its way permanent on my skin.

Phone calls,

You abandoned me in my own world. Left me to be my own guide and yet have to nerve to call me your shining star. Your goddamn hero. I think not. You say I have to hold your hand to keep you from going under, the very hands that let me go under.

I hate looking at you and seeing the absolute adoration on your face. You love me so much dont you? Are you happy that in me, you see the only good you have ever had in your shit life?

Its true, that everything you touch is ruined instantly. Leaving in your wake a trailing sea of infantile tears, no matter where you wander. Is that why you stayed away after I drowned in my own sea?

Just because I was pulled up just in time dont mean you didnt ruin me. I'm just dissolving at the bottom.

Master of Cupcakes in the kitchen.

I lick the batter off my lips right before I orgasmed for the second time. On the kitchen floor, wrapped up in flour and sugar. My skin was moist and warm as the heat rose over my legs. Smirking I laid and basked in my naughtiness.

My is phone ringing and the dog barking, everything around me was chaos but at the moment, bliss and afterglow had me deliciously exhausted. I do not want to move from my cozy placement. But I had to because the timer to the oven with my cupcakes just went off. I will definitely bake more often in the future, if this is the yummy results.