Tonight is going to be long. I cant sleep even though I am in a medicated state of drowsiness. My thoughts wont stay quiet long enough for me to drift off.
I wonder what happened to the time where sleep would hold me all night and most of mornings. Dreams used to be so tender with me, I would long desperately for them throughout the day.
What changed?
Why is it that every time I close my eyes, I see nothing but the blackness of darkness.
Its frustrating. That relief and comfort isnt there anymore. Leaving me to face my isolation without the comforting anticipation of dreams at the end of each day.
This room is too silent and I can hear the taunting of each tick of the clock just as loudly as my own mocking thoughts. The numbers on the digital wink at me out my peripheral vision. Giving red glowing butterfly kisses against my cheeks that burns my temples.
yawn.
The day was chilly so the night is freezing. But I dont move to close the window. I will leave it open. I like to think of it as my looking glass to the outside world that shows me nothing but everything. The big picture of suburbia and minor details of perfectly manicured lawns. Each blade of grass poisoned to be luscious green. When all it probably really wants to do is turn into brittle yellow hay and die.
Its not even that late. sigh.