I dont understand people, no...no thats not right. I have a good insight on others its just I dont understand you, my beloved Father. Its been a while, but I was so happy to see you today.

Even though you were supposed to be here yesterday but thats okay because you came today and lavished me with gifts. Gave praise that would raise any head up high to the world. Bear wide smiles of pride and love. And bestow compliments of my beauty and talent. After all this time.

But I will cry tonight because you were drunk. Again.

Why must you do things like this? Why cant you stay sober for just one day...for me. One funky ass day, is all I asked and even then, its not like I asked for the whole day. I had to go to fucking work! ...I feel so stupid for feeling upset about this.

Fuck! But what makes this even more hilarious is that you will never know how much I hate you right now. God, this is so fucking stupid...What was running through your mind when you thought you could apologize with gifts.

I didnt care! I just wanted to talk to you!

There was a reason I couldnt meet your eye and I can guarantee it wasnt because I was ashamed of myself. God, your such a fuck up!! I am so tired of putting my faith in you! You dont even try. And here I am thinking okay if he aint going to try for himself maybe he will for me.

But now I know better. You dont deserve to be my father. And I think you know it. You have to because there is no other explanation as to why you would push me away so much. Constantly...over and over.

But you know that I will come back like a good little puppy. Looking for just a bit of fuck acknowledgment. Im beyond pathetic. I wish I didnt care. Because looking at how this summer has been going so far...I dont think I can handle another disappointment.

Im so very tired of not understanding.